Moving in Together? Make Sure You Read This First!

I recently had breakfast with an old work friend, who is about to move to the other side of the world (literally) to give love a chance. Talk about brave! I really admire people who have the balls to throw caution into the wind and put themselves out there. She asked me if I had some advice about moving in with a guy for the first time, and as a self-proclaimed girl who falls head over heels in love hard and fast, I have lived with my fair share of serious boyfriends and would consider myself “well practiced” on the topic.

In my gorgeous group of girlfriends, aka “the Clams” there are a few who are married, a handful who are engaged, some who like me are loved up and some who are single (but have lived with past boyfriends), so it was a no-brainer  to ask the clams for their advice. To protect their identities, I won’t reveal who said what, but if you know the clams, some of these will be glaringly obvious. Just a word of warning, this advice is raw and uncensored….


“It must always be on your own terms, otherwise it creates resentment (even if not acknowledged) right from the start. From my experience it worked well for us because we moved into a shared, rented place that belonged to neither of us, so we were really equal in things.”

“Don’t walk around nude too often…he will get used to the goods being on display.”

“Really know yourself, and moreover, your relationship. If you are comfortable, confident and sure of the way you live your life, what makes you happy, what you need in order to function, what pisses you off, what you can compromise on and what is an absolute deal breaker – you will know how you will live with someone. It’s all about the little things. Make sure you have enough room to separate – there is nothing better than reading a book, with a cup of green tea in your favourite oversized jumper….ALONE. It is paramount to give each other space. Silence is sometimes a really sexy thing. It’s also important to mind your words with each other. All so often we get so comfortable we can snap at the person closest. This is toxic. Take a breather, go for a run, and then talk shit out. Live with someone and anyone will become annoying. Knowing yourself well enough well enough to know these triggers. Sometimes a fart is funny…and other times it’s the grossest thing in the world and just like that, you’ve banned sex for a week. Finally, and probably the most important as all the rest is really subjective. When you need to use the bathroom and there is every possibility it could be audible…take a bunch of toilet paper and squish it to the ol’ kisser….you will muffle any “undesirables” thus keeping you and your bathroom habits saintly and the fire in your relationship. No one wants to hear a turd.”

“Don’t let couch time at night become your quality time together, you have to surprise each other or do date night and get out and dressed up. Do things your way and not just how their mum does it.”

“He does the outside and I do the inside – keeping it even in the areas you are better at always works well.”

“Try and learn how to avoid housework.”

“Have your own interests and activities that are just for you and don’t involve your partner. Know when to give each other space, like if they have had a shit day at work and come home the may need 10 minutes just to be silent, so don’t pounce on them and ask them about their day, let them come to you when they’re ready to talk.”

One thing that most of could agree on was having designated chores – one person cooks, the other one does the dishes. One does inside the house, the other tackles the outside. While typically the clams are the domestic goddesses taking care of the house, and their cavemen are the ones tending to the garden and maintenance stuff, by no means am I suggesting that just because you are a woman you should be in charge of the cooking and cleaning. It’s more about working out a game plan as a couple and doing the tasks that you both excel at and can take ownership of, rather than trying to share all tasks equally.

Above all the common theme is not getting stuck in the routine of living together and making sure that you are considerate and make an effort to keep the spark alive. And a handful of strategically placed wad of toilet paper doesn't hurt either.

Good luck…